It's certainly been a while.

Wow...it's been three months since my last post. I guess I sort of ended up taking a break from blogging. I even dropped off from lurking for a while too. I'm not sure if I'm ready to be back yet, but I decided to take the first step and post something again.

I feel like I've been pretty busy at work lately. They are reorganizing and giving some people new titles. I am now a Project Engineer and Mechanical Engineer...fancy title I suppose. On December 1st, I will have been with the company for four years...and I still don't have any confidence in my abilities, nor do I have the desire to go above and beyond. I do feel that I have at least gotten better in the last few weeks and the days don't seem as long anymore.

At home, we have set a goal. We are working on cleaning our house up in time for Thanksgiving. One of my best friends has a birthday at the end of the month, so I'm planning a day for the four of us (her boyfriend and Tom included). I think we'll go see the final Hunger Games movie on the 22nd of Nov. and then come home for dinner. Then, we can play cards or darts. Tom and I haven't played darts in forever. During the summer, it is too hot in the game room and I don't want to cut on the little portable AC because I want to save money...not to mention, we need to clean out the room so we can actually move in there. We have already cleaned what used to be the boys' room and his daughter's room. I started on our room a few days ago, so we are definitely making progress.

Because of the events from earlier this year (written about on this blog), we are still dealing with legal proceedings. These things always put a damper on my mood when they come around. It is a scary unknown...something that can still affect our future. I know we will be dealing with it for some time to come but it doesn't make it any easier or less scary.

Tom and I are still working on us. Some times I still feel that he chooses other people over us...over me. I've even felt like I've been replaced by guy friends. He tells me that isn't true. I guess a lot of it is that I'm still dealing with feelings from what happened before. It's not easy to turn back time and take it all away. He is also still dealing with his feelings and so he and I will both react poorly to situations. It is tough – I can't deny that. But, we are moving forward together.

In other news, I haven't been spanked in a while. It's not his fault. It's actually all my fault. I'm usually too tired when it comes down to it. Even now, my eyes are slowly closing as I type this and the time change hasn't made me want to stay awake either. Today, I was really missing it...but I don't want any expectations from it. I'm not sure what I want. ...maybe just a good, progressive spanking and that's it. ...maybe have sex or not...maybe talk or not...maybe cry or not. I don't know if I'd even be very interactive, and right now, I'm just really sleepy. I want it...but I think it'll be too much effort. I also don't want to feel bad for not reacting like I usually do. I just want to be...if that makes any sense at all. (sigh)