Our first household rule:
Do NOT interrupt each other. It is disrespectful, and we both need to stop doing it.
Consequence (if I break the rule):
Ten licks with the wooden paddle.
Last night, we had a disagreement and I kept interrupting him. He made a comment about it, but instead of backing off, I started acting like a disrespectful brat. We both got pissed off and said some mean things. I walked off to the bedroom, and I thought he had walked outside. Within seconds, he decided to follow me into the bedroom, and after a brief discussion about what just happened, he made a decision.
"You are going to get 10 licks with the paddle for continually interrupting me. This is one of the reasons we start arguing and we are going to change it."
He is right about the interruptions. I tend to do it when I think he is wrong and not listening to me. Then he gets hurt because I'm refusing to listen to him. From there, it usually spirals to him walking off and not wanting to see or talk to me for a while. I absolutely hate that reaction. I'd rather him stand there and yell at me than have him walk away. When he chooses to walk away and the argument hasn't been resolved, I get this sense of feeling abandoned and it can be horribly overwhelming.
After he came in and told me that I was going to be punished, I calmed down. Oddly enough, so did he. I even ran around the bed and gave him an early Valentine's Day present! (It was a denim jacket with an internal liner for work - I swear I wasn't trying to get out of the punishment!) In fact, the mood had shifted so much that we were both laughing and smiling even before he went to retrieve the wooden paddle. I guess my eyes got big when I saw the paddle because he chuckled and said, "Yes, this is going to hurt."
He came around behind me and I leaned over the end of the bed. I handled the first three holding my breath. Thank goodness he let me keep my jeans on! The fourth and fifth caused me to whimper and then I promptly lost count in my head.
He asked, "Does it hurt?"
I replied, "Yes," because "Duh! What do you think?" didn't seem like an appropriate answer.
"It hurts me when you interrupt me and don't let me finish. It makes me feel like you don't care about what I'm saying and that you don't respect me." I felt an internal barricade break and fall.
The next couple were harder and I was trying to push myself further into the bed while crying out. A few tears leaked out with the next couple of swats (I had been on the verge of crying since the argument).
The last one was the hardest and then I felt myself relax. He asked, "Are you OK?" I nodded my head while he rubbed my back. It felt wonderful to be taken care of and loved.
At some point, we talked more and he said that if we both stop interrupting it would prevent a lot of the arguments we have been having lately. I told him that it probably would also save me some heartache from what generally comes with arguments (angry words, cussing at each other, walking away).
He replied, "Yes, it will also save you some ass-ache." I laughed and we proceeded to have a wonderful evening together.
Sounds like a reasonable way to handle rule breaking. :-)
ReplyDeleteHarrumph! What happens when HE interrupts? ;-)
ReplyDeleteSGT - I definitely agree especially when I compare it to what we've been doing. I'd much rather handle it this way.
ReplyDeleteErica - I just knew you were going to ask that! LOL. He told me to tell him when he interrupts me and that he will actively work to change it. Neither of us want me to spank him. Hahahahahaha!
Jay, this is a good rule to have. Communication is so important and taking the time to listen to each other will definitely bring you two closer together. Sometimes its hard when you feel strongly about something but just take a breath and make yourself listen. I bet you'll find out he wants to hear your side once you have allowed him to finish his thoughts.
ReplyDeleteClara - I think my biggest problem is that I feel he is not listening to me...and honestly he may not be at that moment. He has a habit of replaying what I have said after we talk and then makes a decision after he has thought about it. However, in the heat of the moment, I want to interrupt because his response tells me he wasn't listening and then I repeat myself (which he also doesn't like) and it turns into a vicious cycle. Some how I have to learn to be more patient with him and trust that he is listening to me.
ReplyDeleteI like the idea of a set number of strikes for an infraction. Kind of like immediate swats from Learning DD. We have done it in the past but tried the swats at bedtime and by that time we were either over it or really irritated with one another because things escalated. So even though we have kids I think immediately doing the swats would be very beneficial. Quick and quiet implements. I think those few swats are often enough to reset our mindsets. Glad it's working for you. Thanks for sharing:)
ReplyDeleteLillyanna - I do like knowing what the consequence is to a particular action - in this case the number of swats, and I definitely prefer it being dealt with immediately as opposed to just before bed. You are right - after that much time is has gone by then it is either over (no longer feel guilty) or you are both far too upset about it (been stewing in negative thoughts all day).
ReplyDelete