Tom's youngest brother and his family moved out of our house on Saturday. The kids were both sad and excited. After they left, the house was unnaturally quiet. We wandered into the living room where Tom had me bend over a backless barstool. He proceeded to use the double strap and then the thinner paddle. He said that he was spanking me for moping. I was moping because we weren't even going to get an entire night alone yet...at least not for another 2+ weeks. His other brother was on his way and was supposed to arrive around 3AM.
As the spanking progressed, I started getting pretty excited and we even considered making love (conveniently forgoing the doctor's orders), but then we couldn't find any condoms...apparently he had given the ones we had left to his youngest brother. Of course, I ended up getting spanked for that too. :-)
We got a phone call from his brother and he said he should be in at around 4AM, so Tom decided he was going to stay up and he tucked me in at around 2AM. I woke up close to 6:30AM to find out that he hadn't arrived yet, but that he had called Tom to say he was stopping at a rest stop for 30 mins. I figured he had fallen asleep and couldn't hear his phone. Tom was worried and went to work outside before the sun was up. It turns out that I was right, he finally called by 11AM and said that he had fallen asleep but was back on the road. He didn't end up making it in until almost 1PM.
On his way from California, Tom's brother stopped in New Mexico to pick up their father's motorcycle. Over the last few weeks, I received the medical examiner's report, Tom talked to the officer on the scene, and now we have the motorcycle. We will look at photos that his brother took of where the accident happened sometime this week and we will be able to piece together what happened after he left the highway. We will never know what caused him to veer off to the shoulder in the first place, but we will know what happened afterward. ...We also need to go through his belonging that were collected from the scene...the teddy bear that I gave him might be in the box.
We are all still grieving. I've read up on the five stages of grief. You really don't experience just one stage at a time. I'll usually experience several of them one after another when I'm alone or when we talk about him. We can never really go back to what was normal...we just have to steadily make a new normal. We are doing our best to get everyone down to our house during the next couple of weeks. Although it might be a stressful having so many people around, it will be good for all of us not to be alone during the holidays. We are all going to work through this together by sharing old memories and creating new memories...one day at a time.
I found the following on Facebook back in October. Although I am not religious (to each their own), this brings tears to my eyes every time I read it.
I end this post with a challenge to remember the good times. Share at least one fond memory of someone who has passed either in a comment below or on your own blog. I will add my own comment later. If you would like to add more than one memory or memories of more than one person, please feel free to do so.
Our loved ones are not lost - they live on in us and in the memories we share of them.
Two loved ones that I will always remember, are my parents, mother, and father, who literally SAVED my brother, and myself from the Holocaust of World WAR TWO. They put us on the 'KINDERTRANSPORT TRAIN, to England. One can find the story of KINDERTRANSPORT on the internet. Yes, such good parents, one can always remember with PRIDE.
ReplyDeleteThis brought tears to my eyes. I will be checking out the Kindertransport Train. Have you written down you experiences anywhere, would love to read them if you did. Leigh
DeleteLovely post Jay. There are too many. Once you pass a certain age, the list continues to grow. You remember them all and this time of year seems to ring those memories roaring back. I hope you and your family find peace in being together and I wish you all a Christmas season of togetherness that will be remembered instead of the loss.
ReplyDeleteWhat a sweet idea. I will have to give his some thought. I miss both my parents and now my stepfather, as well as my brother. I'm not religious either, and so I don't believe in heaven, but sometimes, the thought of being watched over by departed loved ones is comforting indeed.
ReplyDeleteIn answer to your question Leigh Smith, I have not written them down, but they are similar to the other holocaust survivors who have. It was while as a school-boy in England, I found myself becoming a 'spanko'.
ReplyDeleteGrandmother (Mom's side) - My mom and her mom never had a good relationship. While my mom was growing up, her mom treated her like crap and my mom had to pull a lot of weight in raising eight siblings until she dropped out of high school and got married to get away. I had never met my grandmother but we had gotten word that she had been admitted to the hospital and probably wasn't going to make it home. One of my mom's brothers called when he was at her bedside and my mom talked to her one last time. Her mom apologized and they had a brief, pleasant conversation. Her mom passed away a couple of days later before we had a chance to catch a flight out there. I am very thankful that they had a chance to talk and that conversation will be the last thing she remembers of her mom.
ReplyDeleteFather-in-law - Dad loved to play darts and he passed that love to his boys. I learned to play and improved pretty quickly according to Tom, who taught me how to play. During one of Dad's visits, the three of us started a game of Shanghai. You take turns aiming for each number in order (1-20). Each turn consists of three darts and you just add up how many times you hit the number of that turn. Once everyone has shot for the 20, the player with the most points wins. The only way to win otherwise is to get a Shanghai. On any turn, if you hit a triple, a double, and a single of the number for that turn, then you get 100 pts and usually win the game. To start a game of darts, you have to shoot for the bull first. The one closest to the bull gets to go first. On that night, we shot for the bull and I won. I then lined up to aim for the 1 on the dart board. My first dart hits a triple 1. The second dart hits a double 1. The third dart takes out the single 1. Shanghai. I stood there in disbelief when Dad walks up to the board and says, "Yep, that's it. She won." :-)
When he went to leave, he did what he always did every time he had to leave. He gave me a hug, kissed my cheek, and said, "Take care of my baby boy. Love you and I'll see y'all later." ...and he rode off on his motorcycle. I really miss him.
Six - Thank you for sharing. Your parents were very brave and I am sure you are very proud of them.
ReplyDeleteLeigh - Thank you. Every holiday brings back memories of those who are no longer with us, but I think surrounding ourselves with other loved ones certainly helped us remember the good times and create new memories.
Erica - It's hardest when I want to talk to him - knowing I can try to talk to him but that he can't respond even if he is watching over us and listening...