"You started it!"..."Well, I'm going to finish it."

So, after two days of feeling down in the dumps, I'm finally feeling a lot better.

On Tuesday, I was really upset about all the stresses from everyday life...we are having a temporary financial setback , my parents are moving into a new double-wide that we just moved onto my land, work is constantly up and down, and I rejoined our community band (which was ultimately why we couldn't handle my mood that evening).

So what's the problem?

Our financial situation is okay, but I really don't like living paycheck-to-paycheck.  This month is really tough, so I've tried to cut out any extra spending to make sure nothing is paid late.  Financial stuff always stresses me out more than anything else.  We can pull ourselves out of this and it will get better because we are learning as we go.  This lull is only temporary.

My parents are moving quite literally 100 ft from where they currently are, but that does not make helping them move again any easier.  I own almost three acres of land.  My fiancé and I live in the middle of the land, my sister will remain in the Northeast corner and my parents are moving to the Southeast corner.  We are all within shouting distance of each other but now have our own places.  Hopefully with this move, everyone will have that certain amount of independence they need yet should anything happen we are all right here to help out.  But, this will be the 5th move in 4 years for my family!  I think we are all tired of moving furniture around but (fingers-crossed) this will hopefully be the last move for a while.

Work...I have this love-hate relationship with being a mechanical engineer.  In college, I loved the hands-on experience, working in the machine shop, working with robots, etc.  I love building stuff, I love trial-and-error projects, and I love puzzles.  A lot of my loves do fit into being an engineer, but it's kind of hard to see any of that when you are behind a desk staring at the computer all day long. I'll do a material take-off, send it to purchasing for a material quote, get it back and forward to another engineer for labor pricing, and then I get everything back and write up a quote to send to the customer.  And, I do it all over again - different project, different customer, same routine.  If a quote comes back as a job, then things can get interesting.  I'll run calculations to verify our quote, draw up the tank/vessel and send both off to customer for approval.  Here begins the process of revisions which can either be very smooth...or multiple revisions, tons of back and forth communication (explaining why we can't do that because that f@#%ing square will not fit in that round opening or why this has to look like this because it's what you said you wanted in the quoting phase!), and lots of waiting later, we can finally start cutting material to start fabrication.  Then, I'll get a call from the guys in the back, "You didn't cut out this circle piece that's shown on the drawing."  "Have you looked at cut sketch #2?"..."Oh, there it is!"  ...yep.  Now, I know I'm not perfect and have made my share of mistakes or forgotten something, but you just scared the sh!t out of me because you didn't look at the sketches I sent.  Oh well, at least mistakes like not looking properly are always good for a laugh after the fact.

R---town Band (local community band) - I've always been in music.  I started out on piano for almost 3 years, then I joined band in middle school and I've continued playing to this day with the longest gap being about 2 years.  Including the gap, that's 15 years of playing the clarinet.  Am I particularly good at that?  Not really. I'd say I might be just ahead of the average, but believe me when I say there are a TON of people out there who make me look like I only just learned how to hold the damn instrument let alone where to put my fingers and produce sound.  So, why do I keep going back especially if lack of confidence in my ability to play stresses me out?  It’s because of the people.  I get to see old friends and meet new people.  We are from all walks of life.  In school, that meant you could be a jock, emo, geek, athlete, or someone who wasn't part of any group.  You could be shy, outgoing, happy, depressed, serious, or humorous.  Hell, you could even be blind (yep, we marched a blind person on field and in parades) or missing a limb (one of our trumpet players only had one arm)!  Today, in our community band, we have engineers, professors, school teachers, post office staff, housewives, college students, retirees, etc.  So what's your point?  The point is...when you walk through those doors, you become a band member.  It doesn't matter where you came from or how you got here.  You are not alone, you are one of us.  Now, don't get me wrong.  You, an individual instrument, can produce beautiful music alone, but when a group of various instruments come together, amazing things happen.

No, this isn't my band, it is actually Ohio State Marching Band.  I watch this and feel an amazing amount of pride in my fellow band members because I know what it takes to put on a show like this.

The band community reminds me of a mostly vanilla version of the spanko community.  We are from all walks of life and we accept each other.  ...Also, (laughing) most Tops could pull off playing in the percussion line - the gong, the bass drums, or the bongos.

Anyway, back to the matter at hand, how did we get to the bottom of the problem and balance the emotional turmoil I've been feeling?  Well, my fiancé decided I needed to change my perspective which is most easily accomplished by going OTK and enjoying the upside down view for a while.  Then when I got up, everything was right-side up again!  Viola!  See how easy that was?  If only!

Actually, it was only slightly more complicated than that (sarcasm).  After two evenings full of two different wooden paddles (yep, both the 1/2" thk. and the 3/4" thk.) and one leather double strap, I finally feel mostly right-side up again.  On Wednesday evening, I got around 45 with the 1/2" paddle, 15+ with the 3/4" paddle, and who knows how many with the strap.  Apparently, I can't count well in my head while being spanked - I'm just too busy trying the accept and let go.  Did it hurt?  Most definitely and I did feel a bit better afterward and was a little sore on Thursday morning.  But, it didn't take long for my mood to plummet again.  Granted, I blamed a very tiny portion of that on my fiancé. After receiving my first set of 9 with the 3/4" he asked, "Why do you look so depressed?  You know your mood affects my mood."

I answered, "Yes, and your mood affects mine because you started it!"

To which he replied, "Well, I'll finish it."  And so he did after much more paddling and strapping.  It was intense and I'm still not sure if I wanted him to stop, but I gave up control and when he decided to stop, I felt relaxed and sleepy.

This morning, I woke up in a much better mood and a bit more sore than yesterday, but I didn't have the urge to go right back to bed. I've also had a good day at work even without all the usual work day buzzwords. :-)

Edit: My day just got even better! The wonderful Erica Scott is the reason my stats are on the rise!  Thank you very much for the shout-out, Erica!  You've helped make my day!♥