What do you do for a living?

I took Friday off from work and I’ve been pretty out of it the last few days because I’m trying to fight off this cold or sinus infection.  Since I was starting to feel better, I was back at work yesterday and today but still couldn’t concentrate for more than a couple of hours at a time.  I would end up getting coffee or checking my phone a lot and then I’d sit back down and try to get something done.  Well, today it was much of the same (honestly, when is it not?), so I decided to entertain myself for a few minutes and think of every word that we use regularly at work that would under normal (not work) circumstances cause fits of laughter, elicit dirty jokes, and allow the ever imaginative mind to wander to more interesting activities (anything can be more interesting than sitting at a damn desk all day).  

So without further ado, here’s my list of work-related buzzwords.  I’ll remind you that I am a mechanical engineer. :-)

1. Lubrication (Usually too much friction is not a good thing.)
2. Friction (Use lubrication.)
3. Penetration (Oh yeah? Where are you going to put that?)
4. Balls 
5. Nuts and Bolts
6. Studs (No, you aren’t a muffin, so quit looking at me like that.)
7. Screw (Screw who?)
8. Erection (Yep, that was pretty hard to get up.)
9. Nipple (Imagine a male engineer explaining what a nipple is to a female engineer.  LMAO)
10. Rod (Spare the rod? Nah…)
11. Coupling
12. Clamp
13. Pressure (Just put a little more pressure right here.)
14. Male/Female Fittings (Yes, the male end fits into the female end.)
15. Vibration (Hmmmm….)
16. Heat Transfer (Boy, it’s getting hot in here!)
17. Impact Stress (For me, impact relieves stress.)
18. Shaft
19. Plug (Yes, I’d lube that up too before putting it in there.)
20. Holes (We have holes for screws, bolts, shafts, and rods.  Just insert yours here.)
21. Ruler (You can use it to measure but I can think of other uses for it.)
22. Bottom (Oh, where’d that ruler go?)
23. Bending Moment (Be careful where you choose to have that moment!  Especially since he just found that ruler!)
24. Pump Suction Head (Right…need I explain?)
25. Drive Shaft 
26. Strap it down (Sure)
27. Tie it down (Sounds like fun!)
28. Spreader Bar (What? Did you say just say spreader bar? Damn, I’ve been wanting to try one, but I’m definitely not that limber!)

Let’s just say it’s a good thing we can’t read each other’s minds at work.  Some days I don’t know how we ever getting any thing done at all!  Feel free to add what comes to your mind when reading my list, or post your own workday buzzword list!  It certainly made my workday more entertaining.