Tuesday, January 13, 2015

Please feel free to skip this post. Nothing interesting today.

I've really been feeling down off and on lately, and it's got me constantly teetering on an emotional tightrope.  A joke can hurt my feelings and bring me to tears.  An influx in how something is said or a raised voice can make me breakdown.  I feel like I need more attention, more emotional involvement, more physical contact.  As a result of all this, I feel needy, yet oddly dettached. 
I've thought about distracting myself. There are many things that I like to do such as reading, playing video games, watching movies, getting spanked, and playing darts, but I've found that when it comes time to do any of those things I feel restlessly indecisive and so I'll change my mind, no longer wanting to do anything anymore. 
On Sunday, I actually felt very accomplished.  I got a lot done last week and over the weekend.  I fixed our desktop which had a corrupted user profile.  I backed up and updated my cellphone.  I backed up my laptop and moved some files off of it.  I went up to Mom's and cleaned up her bedroom and put up some things she wanted on her walls. 
Yesterday, I felt drained and down, so I ended up overreacting to a financial issue that isn't even a problem yet and probably won't be a problem at all.  It's just that it was something unexpected.  What I figured out later is that we just need to discuss the bills about once a week so that we are both up-to-date on what is due, when it is due, and how much we have to save/spend/loan out.  Money wasn't the problem...it was a minor failure to communicate on both sides. 
The rest of the evening went okay.  I watched the three year old for a few hours while the rest of them went shopping.  After they picked him up, I took a shower and got ready for bed.  Tom caressed me for a little while and then I fell asleep when he went looking for a midnight snack. 
Today, I'm still tired and don't feel very motivated but I need to go to a little basketball performance for my other nephew (the one I helped raise for five years) later this evening.  His mom (my sister) has been pretty ridiculous to our parents for the last two months, but I'm not going to not support my nephew just because his parents have a problem.  The same has been true for my other two nephews. (sigh) 
(deep breath) I will climb out of this depressed hole that I've fallen into...why? Because I just don't have time for it.


  1. Hi Jay
    You may not have time for depression, but you should make some time for yourself. Even just a few moments of quality "me time" is so refreshing.

    As my Mum always said "Life is a bugger...then you just get on with it."

  2. Big hugs. Be gentle with yourself.

  3. Aw, honey, give yourself a hug - you deserve it.

  4. Certainly sounds like clinical depression (this is the RN in me talking) if you aren't being treated you should make an appointment with your primary. Dont be too hard on yourself though. Winter is a time of year when depression spikes. Feeling "needy" is also a common female feeling. Pamper yourself and try to communicate how your feeling and what you need. 《Hugs》 Lilly


  5. Don - Thanks, but what I really want is just quality time with Tom, which is finally starting to happen again. :-) I've missed him/us.

    Erica - I'm trying. Thank you ♥ and big hugs back!

    Leigh - Thanks! I think I might get Tom to do the honors. He is better at it. :-)

    Lilly - I think communication has been a big help, even when it is difficult to put things into words, and I do see that things are getting better. As things settle down, I believe my desire to do things and have fun again will return. Thank you for your concern! Hugs back!


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