Communication, Communication, Communication

So I thought I would open with a couple of what men think versus what women think dialogues that I came across recently on the Internet.

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Here's the first one found @ http://web.mit.edu/adorai/www/hesaidshesaid.html

He said, she said: A dialogue (in stereotype)
by Dave Barry, slightly modified by the Car Talk guys

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A guy named Roger is driving his girlfriend, Gloria, home from dinner one night, when Gloria says, "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?" There is silence in the car. To Gloria, it seems like a very loud silence. 

Gloria (thinking): Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of. 

Roger (thinking): Gosh. Six months. 

Gloria (thinking): But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are...I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? 

Roger (thinking): So that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa, I am way overdue for an oil change here. 

Gloria (thinking): He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed, even before I sensed it, that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected. 

Roger (thinking): And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600! 

Gloria (thinking): He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure. 

Roger (thinking): They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs. 

Gloria (thinking): Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I truly do care about, a person who is in pain because of my self-centered schoolgirl romantic fantasy. 

Roger (thinking): Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their... 

Gloria (aloud): Roger? 

Roger (startled): What? 

Gloria (her eyes filling with tears): Please don't torture yourself like this. Maybe I should never have...Oh God, I feel so... 

Roger: What? 

Gloria (sobbing): I'm such a fool. I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse. 

Roger: There's no horse? 

Gloria: You think I'm a fool, don't you? 

Roger (relieved finally to know the right answer): No. 

Gloria: It's just that...It's that I...I need some time. 

Roger (after a 15-second pause during which he is thinking as fast as he can, trying to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.): Yes. 

Gloria (deeply moved, touching his hand): Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way? 

Roger: What way? 

Gloria: That way about time. 

Roger: Oh. Yes. 

Gloria (gazing deeply into Roger's eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.): Thank you, Roger. 

Roger: Thank you. 

Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed and cries until dawn. Roger goes back to his place, opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he could ever understand what. He figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. 

The next day Gloria calls all her best friends and talks about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail they analyze everything she said and everything he said, considering every possible ramification. They continue to discuss this subject off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions. 

Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Gloria's, pauses just before serving, frowns, and says, "Norm, did Gloria ever own a horse?"

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The second one I found @ http://weknowmemes.com/2011/10/his-her-diary-on-the-same-day/

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While these stereotypical men's versus women's reactions/responses/assumptions seem hilarious to those from afar, they do convey two very important messages.

1) Communication is a major part of any relationship.
2) Try not to assume anything.  If in doubt, ask. 

Because we are all individuals and we all think differently, it is very important to keep open lines of communication.  Whether you are discussing this month’s bills or debating on which sexual fantasy you would like to try next, being willing and able to openly discuss and adjust is all part of keeping a healthy relationship going.

Prior to my current relationship, true communication had always been difficult for me particularly when it involved discussing my wants and desires or even talking about something that bothered me.  It's not that I can't communicate - I can and have always been able to converse well into the night about any other subject, give a speech in front of a ton of people, and even talk about someone else’s fantasies, but at any point when the conversation turned to my personal desires, I would tend to get embarrassed and clam up.  It’s not that I had nothing to say or didn’t have my own fantasies, on the contrary, my mind would be racing through several scenarios that would turn me on, but none of those thoughts ever actually made it out of my mouth.  Instead, I would just shrug my shoulders and say nothing.

Nowadays, I have become much more open and honest in my relationship and a lot of that is because of my fiancé.  The fact that he didn’t go running for the hills when I first mentioned spanking was certainly a big help. :-) All the communication thereafter has been helping us build a stronger and more trusting relationship.  It also opens the door to explore new things.  That’s not to say we aren’t still working on communicating, after all it is an on-going thing, but it is getting easier.   

It’s probably worth noting (especially for others who have trouble communicating) that before I started blogging, I actually used a notebook to write down journal-like entries addressed directly to my fiancé.  The purpose of the notebook was to let him know how I felt about what we were trying.  For me, it was easier to write it down later and hand him the notebook rather than have a spur of the moment conversation.  Then, he could ask questions and it would be a way for us to open an easy dialogue.

Since trying this method of communication, I’ve noticed an improvement with communicating verbally so that now I feel more confident about expressing my wants/desires/fantasies.  LOL, I’ll probably always feel a little embarrassed but it is certainly a marked improvement.  :-)  After all, if I don't tell him what I want, how on earth is he supposed to know?  Now the only problem is figuring out what it is that I actually want!