Wednesday, May 28, 2014

And the answer is...

"All of the above."  I'd like to thank those of you who participated in the little poll from the previous post.  I was honestly just messing around with it to see if it would even work.  If anyone has other suggestions about a free and easy to use poll thing-y (yes, I'm very technical here), please let me know!  I have some ideas for its use in the future especially if I ever have time to sit down and let the creative juices flow (no, not that other kind).

Anyway, we had some relatives over on Memorial Day, and before everyone left, we decided to play a dart game called Killers (I know, what a great name for a game!).  I guess I should note that of those of us who were playing, I'm the one who has played darts the least amount of time; therefore, my life expectancy in the game wasn't very high.  We continued to play rounds knocking/striking each other off the board until it was just my fiancé and myself.  We were at the point where he could win with a single dart and I could win with two.  He would throw his three darts and miss, then I would throw my three darts and also miss.  It was honestly starting to get quite boring...that is until he decided to whisper something in my ear as he passed.  "You'll get 25 per strike."  (Yikes! We all know what that means.)  Well, I already had one strike on him and still had to get two more to win the game, but he only needed one.  I have to hand it to him - he certainly knew how to make the game more interesting!

During my next turn, I nailed the second strike. LOL, "So, that's 50," I thought as I passed him with a smile.  He returned the smile but didn't make any headway in winning.  A few rounds later, I did it (75)!  He couldn't beat me (at least not yet ;-) hehe)! I knew he wouldn't do anything that drastic in front of relatives, so I just smiled sweetly at him.  After we walked everyone out to the driveway and bid our farewells, my Love and I went back in to take showers.

By this time, it was actually getting pretty late and we were both definitely tired, so we relaxed and snuggled a little.  Then, I turned to look at him and asked, "Does that mean I get a raincheck?"

He replied, "Nope!" and hopped out of bed looking for the new wooden paddle.

I couldn't help but laugh as I rolled over exposing my backside.  He started first with both cheeks and then he would alternate either side or both randomly.  I knew he couldn't be hitting very hard, but I could definitely feel the burn and the building deeper ache.  It didn't take long before he decided to stop and move on to other activities.  I was certainly more than ready when he entered me roughly from behind and set a hard, fast pace.  Believe me, I could tell the paddle had been back there, but everything just felt so good!

After the fireworks, I went to the bathroom and glanced in the mirror.  I was a lovely shade of dark red splashed with some minor bruising.  I rubbed a little and could definitely feel the deeper ache that reminds you what just happened was real.  My fiancé looked up from the bed and I gave him a goofy, embarrassed smiled since he caught me looking. Then, I went back to bed where we cuddled until we drifted off to sleep.  It was a good end to a long day.

As a follow-up note - the next day, I learned how not to plop down onto my chair at work. ;-P

Tuesday, May 27, 2014

New Paddle meet Bare Bottom. Bare Bottom meet New Paddle.

Why, it's so...er...nice to personally meet you, New Paddle.  Now that we have been properly introduced, I'd like to thank you from the bottom of my bottom for the achy-ness I've been feeling today!

:-) Yep, on Monday night, I received my first real spanking with the new paddle from Cane-iac and now I have all the lovely after effects to prove it.  So, the big question...


Why was I paddled?
  
pollcode.com free polls 

Please tune in next time to find out!

Sunday, May 25, 2014

Me = Excited!

Wow, my last post made it onto Chross's "Spankings of the Week" List!  I'm almost at 2,000 views in less than 2 days which is pretty big for me since I only just started blogging again.  Pretty exciting!  My thanks go out to Chross and to everyone who has taken the time to stop by!  Hope to see you all again!

Want to know what else is exciting?  My fiancé is in the process of making our very first handmade paddle (3/4" thk. x 3 1/2" wide x 20" long)!  He still has to sand it down some more, stain it, and seal it.  I'm pretty sure I'll want to tone down the sassiness when he's holding that in his hand!  I'll post a photo of it when he's finished.

In the mean time and to add to the weekend's excitement, I also received two new implements (one wooden and one leather) from Cane-iac in the mail! Needless to say, I am currently sitting on a slightly sore bottom today, but I'm definitely game for more playtime with our new toys!

Enjoy the rest of your Memorial Day weekend, Everyone!

Wednesday, May 21, 2014

Oh, the irony!

Last night, my fiancé decided to have a frank discussion about the possibility of the police being called so that if it ever happened we wouldn't be caught completely off guard.  We live on private lane and our closest neighbor is about 100 ft away, so I assumed it would be pretty unlikely that it would ever happen while we were at home.  I mean definitely more likely at a hotel or if we ever had to live in an apartment, but almost certainly not at our brick, single-family home. …Well, ironically, the sheriff department showed up on our street at 10:45pm!

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We had just finished seriously discussing what could happen should any officers of the law ever get called to investigate our personal activities.  After that riveting discussion, I wasn’t really in the mood to play, so we went to take quick showers and get ready for bed.  I slipped into bed just before he came into the bedroom with the intent to drift off to sleep.

Then, the love of my life walked in and had apparently decided that I needed a long and hard spanking with the faux leather side of a paddle. Did I deserve it? Yes, I definitely had to admit it that I did.  I had been moping around all evening because we didn't get a chance to play the previous night and then we had that stressful, mood-killing discussion only half an hour ago.  So, yes, I deserved it and I was willing to accept that I needed it to relieve some tension.

He told me turn over so that I was facedown, bottom up on the bed.  For the first time ever, he started pretty hard and fast.  It wasn't long before I was wiggling, shutting my eyes, and squeezing the stuffing out of the nearest pillow.  It felt like he was a man on a mission and the only objective involved was to see how fast my rear end could feel the burn. At some point, he whispered in my ear, “It’s ok to say, ‘ouch,’ honey.” I've never been very verbal before but the whispered sound, "Ah," and some strained groaning definitely escaped my lips several times before it was over.

The experience was certainly intense, but I wasn't regretting any of it - the pain, the acceptance, the letting go.  It was exactly what I needed.  He was in complete control and I didn’t have a care in the world.  I could focus on being in the moment. Once he decided it was over, we moved on to more feel-good activities and I was more than ready.  The reconnection we had and relief I felt was amazing.

Just as we were finishing up, my cell phone went off.  I got up to answer it.  My mom was on the other end.  Apparently, there were a few officers parked along the street by our house.  She and my dad had just finished speaking with them, and they said that they were responding to a domestic violence call.  Uh-oh!  My parents told the numbers on the four houses down the street and sent them to the dead end where they assumed was the source of the disturbance.  At that point, I hung up the phone and we got dressed in case the officers decided came back to ask us any questions since we still weren’t sure who called them and which house they were actually looking for.

Sure enough, we walked outside to a couple more deputies wandering back to their vehicles across our front yard.  Apparently, they were just taking a look around the wooded area on my land in case the there was someone lurking around.  That’s when we found out that there was a domestic dispute at the end of the road…something about too much to drink and the woman’s boyfriend slapped her.  Now, I am in no way condoning any non-consensual activity like the situation for which the sheriff’s department was called and I do believe they should be called, but I was and am still definitely relieved they were not called out here because some neighbors somehow managed to hear our very consensual activities.

After breathing a sigh of relief, neither of us could believe the irony!  We just had a discussion about the possibility of officers showing up, and then just as we are finishing up the spanking activities, the sheriff’s department appears on our street for a domestic violence call.  What kind of coincidence is that?!

Saturday, May 17, 2014

At Peace

Wednesday night after one of those long days, my lover and I wandered into our bedroom deciding that we no longer wanted to spend time doing normal evening activities.  Upon entering, I stripped out of my clothes and went to the bottom of the bed.  I got on my knees on the long pleather-top bench we have there and leaned over the end of the bed.  My lover came up beside me and asked, “Have you been naughty today?”  My answer to his question would usually tell him if I want to be spanked or not, regardless if I was actually naughty or not.  

Instead of saying, “Yes,” and pretending that I had done something to warrant a spanking, I whispered, “No, I just want a spanking.”  He bent down to retrieve my soft leather belt from my jeans…oh, I love the sound the belt makes when he pulls it through the belt loops.  I turned my head towards him and smiled.  He doubled up the belt and landed the first strike.  It wasn’t that hard, but I really didn’t need hard just yet.  He let it fly a few more times - each time varying his technique and where it landed.  We are both new to this and he doesn’t want to hurt me, but does want to give me what I need.  So when he hit a particular spot or put the right amount of power behind it, I would just nod and smile to assure him that he was definitely going in the right direction.

After a couple of minutes with the belt, he decided to switch to a smooth pingpong paddle (yes, this paddle was an impulse buy from a couple of weeks before).  With this, he tried out different combinations of strength and speed.  I had told him that I like harder hits when they are a little spaced out to produce more of an ache, or I like lighter, rapid fire swats which produce more of a stinging burn - I don’t like extremely hard and rapid fire.  He was doing wonderfully.  I found myself presenting my bottom and enjoying every minute.  He would occasionally ask if something was too hard and check-in with me.  Of course he didn't have to but his concern let's me know how much he cares about me. 

At some point, he put the pingpong paddle down and started to use his hand.  The combination of sting and thud that his hand can produce was absolutely perfect.  After a particularly hard spank, he decided to change his question from “is that too hard?” to something along the lines of “can I keep going?”  For me, the questions have different implications and lead me to different mindsets.  “Is that too hard?” implies that the next swat will either be softer or harder based on what I say which is topping from the bottom, therefore I am somewhat in control.  I like giving him control so that I don’t have to think and can just enjoy the submissive feelings. His other question allows me to say, “Yes, keep going,” and he will decide how hard or soft and vary all aspects of play on his own.

For us, spanking almost always comes before lovemaking.  So far, our way of switching from spanking to sex is that he will ask if I’m ready or I will just grab a condom which is usually within reach.  The only problem I have with these scenarios is again - I am mostly in control. I really don’t care for being in control at this point because honestly, I never really know when I want to stop playing and move on…I just usually figure it’s getting late, we have to work tomorrow, maybe he’s getting tired, etc., so my own mental distractions tend to cause me to want to stop.  On this night, I grabbed the condom like normal, but instead of him taking it from me and moving on, he kept spanking!  In fact, what’s this? He was also spanking harder!  Oh my! He’s giving me what I wanted - what I needed!  I was no longer in control, he was.  I could let go and just feel.  I could get lost in the sensations and that’s exactly what was happening and it felt absolutely wonderful.  He stopped when my mind and body relaxed.  He slid the condom from my hand and passionately entered me from behind.  His rough carpenter’s hands grabbed my backside and everything just mixed so well with the pain and pleasure.  I felt him reach his peak and slide out of me.  He told me to get my Hitachi wand and proceeded to bring me to my own climax with the combination of well-placed vibrations and his well-tuned-to-me fingers.

After cleaning up, we climbed back into bed and he held me in his arms. I felt at peace.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

What do you do for a living?

I took Friday off from work and I’ve been pretty out of it the last few days because I’m trying to fight off this cold or sinus infection.  Since I was starting to feel better, I was back at work yesterday and today but still couldn’t concentrate for more than a couple of hours at a time.  I would end up getting coffee or checking my phone a lot and then I’d sit back down and try to get something done.  Well, today it was much of the same (honestly, when is it not?), so I decided to entertain myself for a few minutes and think of every word that we use regularly at work that would under normal (not work) circumstances cause fits of laughter, elicit dirty jokes, and allow the ever imaginative mind to wander to more interesting activities (anything can be more interesting than sitting at a damn desk all day).  

So without further ado, here’s my list of work-related buzzwords.  I’ll remind you that I am a mechanical engineer. :-)
  1. Lubrication (Usually too much friction is not a good thing.)
  2. Friction (Use lubrication.)
  3. Penetration (Oh yeah? Where are you going to put that?)
  4. Balls 
  5. Nuts and Bolts
  6. Studs (No, you aren’t a muffin, so quit looking at me like that.)
  7. Screw (Screw who?)
  8. Erection (Yep, that was pretty hard to get up.)
  9. Nipple (Imagine a male engineer explaining what a nipple is to a female engineer.  LMAO)
  10. Rod (Spare the rod? Nah…)
  11. Coupling
  12. Clamp
  13. Pressure (Just put a little more pressure right here.)
  14. Male/Female Fittings (Yes, the male end fits into the female end.)
  15. Vibration (Hmmmm….)
  16. Heat Transfer (Boy, it’s getting hot in here!)
  17. Impact Stress (For me, impact relieves stress.)
  18. Shaft
  19. Plug (Yes, I’d lube that up too before putting it in there.)
  20. Holes (We have holes for screws, bolts, shafts, and rods.  Just insert yours here.)
  21. Ruler (You can use it to measure but I can think of other uses for it.)
  22. Bottom (Oh, where’d that ruler go?)
  23. Bending Moment (Be careful where you choose to have that moment!  Especially since he just found that ruler!)
  24. Pump Suction Head (Right…need I explain?)
  25. Drive Shaft 
  26. Strap it down (Sure)
  27. Tie it down (Sounds like fun!)
  28. Spreader Bar (What? Did you say just say spreader bar? Damn, I’ve been wanting to try one, but I’m definitely not that limber!)

Let’s just say it’s a good thing we can’t read each other’s minds at work.  Some days I don’t know how we ever getting any thing done at all!  Feel free to add what comes to your mind when reading my list, or post your own workday buzzword list!  It certainly made my workday more entertaining.

Saturday, May 10, 2014

Communication, Communication, Communication

So I thought I would open with a couple of what men think versus what women think dialogues that I came across recently on the Internet.

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Here's the first one found @ http://web.mit.edu/adorai/www/hesaidshesaid.html
He said, she said: A dialogue (in stereotype)
by Dave Barry, slightly modified by the Car Talk guys

A guy named Roger is driving his girlfriend, Gloria, home from dinner one night, when Gloria says, "Do you realize that, as of tonight, we've been seeing each other for exactly six months?" There is silence in the car. To Gloria, it seems like a very loud silence. 
Gloria (thinking): Geez, I wonder if it bothers him that I said that. Maybe he's been feeling confined by our relationship; maybe he thinks I'm trying to push him into some kind of obligation that he doesn't want, or isn't sure of. 
Roger (thinking): Gosh. Six months. 
Gloria (thinking): But, hey, I'm not so sure I want this kind of relationship, either. Sometimes I wish I had a little more space, so I'd have time to think about whether I really want us to keep going the way we are...I mean, where are we going? Are we just going to keep seeing each other at this level of intimacy? Are we heading toward marriage? Toward children? Toward a lifetime together? Am I ready for that level of commitment? Do I really even know this person? 
Roger (thinking): So that means it was...let's see...February when we started going out, which was right after I had the car at the dealer's, which means...lemme check the odometer...Whoa, I am way overdue for an oil change here. 
Gloria (thinking): He's upset. I can see it on his face. Maybe I'm reading this completely wrong. Maybe he wants more from our relationship, more intimacy, more commitment; maybe he has sensed, even before I sensed it, that I was feeling some reservations. Yes, I bet that's it. That's why he's so reluctant to say anything about his own feelings. He's afraid of being rejected. 
Roger (thinking): And I'm gonna have them look at the transmission again. I don't care what those morons say, it's still not shifting right. And they better not try to blame it on the cold weather this time. What cold weather? It's 87 degrees out, and this thing is shifting like a garbage truck, and I paid those incompetent thieves $600! 
Gloria (thinking): He's angry. And I don't blame him. I'd be angry too. God, I feel so guilty, putting him through this, but I can't help the way I feel. I'm just not sure. 
Roger (thinking): They'll probably say it's only a 90-day warranty. That's exactly what they're gonna say, the scumballs. 
Gloria (thinking): Maybe I'm just too idealistic, waiting for a knight to come riding up on his white horse, when I'm sitting right next to a perfectly good person, a person I truly do care about, a person who is in pain because of my self-centered schoolgirl romantic fantasy. 
Roger (thinking): Warranty? They want a warranty? I'll give them a warranty. I'll take their warranty and stick it right up their... 
Gloria (aloud): Roger? 
Roger (startled): What? 
Gloria (her eyes filling with tears): Please don't torture yourself like this. Maybe I should never have...Oh God, I feel so... 
Roger: What? 
Gloria (sobbing): I'm such a fool. I mean, I know there's no knight. I really know that. It's silly. There's no knight, and there's no horse. 
Roger: There's no horse? 
Gloria: You think I'm a fool, don't you? 
Roger (relieved finally to know the right answer): No. 
Gloria: It's just that...It's that I...I need some time. 
Roger (after a 15-second pause during which he is thinking as fast as he can, trying to come up with a safe response. Finally he comes up with one that he thinks might work.): Yes. 
Gloria (deeply moved, touching his hand): Oh, Roger, do you really feel that way? 
Roger: What way? 
Gloria: That way about time. 
Roger: Oh. Yes. 
Gloria (gazing deeply into Roger's eyes, causing him to become very nervous about what she might say next, especially if it involves a horse. At last she speaks.): Thank you, Roger. 
Roger: Thank you
Then he takes her home, and she lies on her bed and cries until dawn. Roger goes back to his place, opens a bag of Doritos, turns on the TV, and immediately becomes deeply involved in a rerun of a tennis match between two Czechoslovakians he never heard of. A tiny voice in the far recesses of his mind tells him that something major was going on back there in the car, but he is pretty sure there is no way he could ever understand what. He figures it's better if he doesn't think about it. 
The next day Gloria calls all her best friends and talks about this situation for six straight hours. In painstaking detail they analyze everything she said and everything he said, considering every possible ramification. They continue to discuss this subject off and on, for weeks, maybe months, never reaching any definite conclusions. 
Meanwhile, Roger, while playing racquetball one day with a mutual friend of his and Gloria's, pauses just before serving, frowns, and says, "Norm, did Gloria ever own a horse?"
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The second one I found @ http://weknowmemes.com/2011/10/his-her-diary-on-the-same-day/


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While these stereotypical men's versus women's reactions/responses/assumptions seem hilarious to those from afar, they do convey two very important messages.

1) Communication is a major part of any relationship.
2) Try not to assume anything.  If in doubt, ask. 

Because we are all individuals and we all think differently, it is very important to keep open lines of communication.  Whether you are discussing this month’s bills or debating on which sexual fantasy you would like to try next, being willing and able to openly discuss and adjust is all part of keeping a healthy relationship going.

Prior to my current relationship, true communication had always been difficult for me particularly when it involved discussing my wants and desires or even talking about something that bothered me.  It's not that I can't communicate - I can and have always been able to converse well into the night about any other subject, give a speech in front of a ton of people, and even talk about someone else’s fantasies, but at any point when the conversation turned to my personal desires, I would tend to get embarrassed and clam up.  It’s not that I had nothing to say or didn’t have my own fantasies, on the contrary, my mind would be racing through several scenarios that would turn me on, but none of those thoughts ever actually made it out of my mouth.  Instead, I would just shrug my shoulders and say nothing.

Nowadays, I have become much more open and honest in my relationship and a lot of that is because of my fiancé.  The fact that he didn’t go running for the hills when I first mentioned spanking was certainly a big help. :-) All the communication thereafter has been helping us build a stronger and more trusting relationship.  It also opens the door to explore new things.  That’s not to say we aren’t still working on communicating, after all it is an on-going thing, but it is getting easier.   

It’s probably worth noting (especially for others who have trouble communicating) that before I started blogging, I actually used a notebook to write down journal-like entries addressed directly to my fiancé.  The purpose of the notebook was to let him know how I felt about what we were trying.  For me, it was easier to write it down later and hand him the notebook rather than have a spur of the moment conversation.  Then, he could ask questions and it would be a way for us to open an easy dialogue.

Since trying this method of communication, I’ve noticed an improvement with communicating verbally so that now I feel more confident about expressing my wants/desires/fantasies.  LOL, I’ll probably always feel a little embarrassed but it is certainly a marked improvement.  :-)  After all, if I don't tell him what I want, how on earth is he supposed to know?  Now the only problem is figuring out what it is that I actually want!

Thursday, May 8, 2014

Acceptance - "It's ok, I've got you."

When you think of acceptance, usually what comes to mind is the act of either being accepted by others or you accepting others who may or may not be different from yourself.  

As kids, many of us went through an adolescent period of trying to fit in...of being accepted by our peers.  Now, if your peers didn't like who you were, then you would feel judged and hurt.  In order to make life easier on yourself, you would start to adjust to what everyone would consider the "norm" even if that meant hiding or changing something about yourself.   The desire to simply be accepted overran being true to who you were.

As adults who now have adult desires, many of us have gone through similar circumstances again, especially if you are into something considered a little different or kinky, e.g. having the desire to spank or be spanked.  But, even as grown men and women who understand the importance of tolerance and acceptance, why are so many of us still afraid or embarrassed to express that kinky want, desire, and/or need?  Sometimes I think it's because of the other part of acceptance that isn't always thought about.  

Acceptance isn't only about being accepted by someone else or you accepting someone else.  It is also about you accepting who you are.  This simple act of acceptance is what I love about this community.  Here, we can accept others for who they are and allow people to be open about what they want without judging.  This empowers others to accept themselves which in turn builds self-confidence and leads to better communication in all surrounding relationships.

I came across the following story and thought it applied well with this topic.  I enjoyed it because it focuses more on the inner turmoil from the range of emotions (fear, doubt, resistance) and the emotional release thereafter that one can experience around that first (or any) spanking. The story is called "Her First Spanking" by darkenhorse .

Tuesday, May 6, 2014

"Why do any of us blog anymore?"

This post is in response to Erica Scott's post "Rant: Yes, I'm frustrated."  At first, I had planned on just commenting, but then my comment turned into ~500 words so instead of taking up a ton of room in her comment section, I decided to just post and link back to it instead. :-)

First, let's answer the question, "Why did you start blogging?" 

I tried for years to keep a private journal, but it never failed to fail - I would write for maybe a week and then abruptly stop. Why? Because in my mind, why on earth would I need to write down my own thoughts as if I wasn’t the one having them? I know what I think so why would I need to write it down?  It isn't doing me any good.  Now granted, I really do understand that it really does help some people.  To those people, journaling is a way to get out negative feelings and document important things in one's life.  For me, it just never worked.  When I started my first very vanilla, every-day-life blog, all of my friends at the time new about it and had his or her own so we had our own private online community where we could talk, complain, ask questions, and gain perspective by offering opinions.  We could share our experiences which allowed us to learn and grow by opening our minds to other ideas.  It allowed us to gain perspective.  But in the end, comments started to dwindle, life started happening (for me, college was kicking into high gear and the beginning of a career was on the horizon), and slowly posts/updates started to fade.  That blog lasted eight years.

So, back to Erica’s question, “Why do any of us blog anymore?”  I just started my non-vanilla blog a couple of days ago.  I blog for the exact same reasons I started blogging ten years ago - to share experiences, hear other opinions, and gain perspective.  Sure, some will join us and some will bid us farewell.  The world will keep spinning and life goes on with a heavy heart on some days and skip in our steps the next.  C’est la vie!

As for comments, I could definitely imagine new posts getting lost very easily if one is following a ton of blogs, especially if everyone decides to update in one day - that could be a very happy nightmare (YAY, people are posting!  OMG, I have more than a hundred to read before work tomorrow!?).  I’ve been lurking around four blogs in particular since about March.  At first, I didn’t want to comment because I was spending a ton of time catching up so it seemed pointless to comment on non-current posts (though I definitely thought about it).  Now, that I have 1) more or less caught up and 2) a blog and a [nick]name of my own I feel more comfortable delurking.  I did notice it was mentioned that some lurkers seem to get the feeling that they aren’t welcome to add thoughts because everyone seems to know each other already…well, I read through a ton of posts and through the ton-of-posts’ comments, but I personally never felt excluded or offended in any way.  Had I happened upon these posts when they were being posted, I feel I would have delurked a lot sooner.  Alas, I cannot change the past, so moving forward, I intend to comment as the urge arises.  

I don’t think I’ve ever felt more welcomed and accepted by a group of people I haven’t even chatted with/e-mailed/met/etc. :-)

"Tell me what you're thinking..."

I pulled the following excerpt from a story called "First Punishment" by verogenous which was posted on Literotica.com.  In this excerpt, we never actually get to the "first punishment" that is mentioned in the title, but this introduction really spoke volumes to me when I first came across it, so I just thought I'd share it...

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Since I was about 18 or so I have known I am sexually turned on by spanking and dominance. I accidentally ran across a "spanking magazine" and read a story about a young woman being spanked and made love to by her "Dom". It turned me on so much I read that story over and over again until I almost had it memorized. By the time I met my husband and married him I had done as much reading as I could at that time (1982) on the subject and found many other forms of spanking and dominance had also turned me on. Somehow I just knew this little kink of mine was not a good thing and most people would never understand, so I had decided very early on, I would just have to keep this little dirty secret to myself. And I did until… 
One night about 6 months after we were married we were lying in bed talking after spending a long time making love and he pulled me close to him, looked me in the eye "Tell me what you're thinking" 
This was a normal routine for us, since we were young and still learning I guess he had insecurities too that needed to be addressed, thus asking me on a regular basis my thoughts. As usual with me I was afraid to actually admit that I had been thinking sex would have been a whole lot better had he of taken me over his lap and spanked me slowly and sensually until my bottom was red all over and hot to the touch. Instead I answered that question as I always had 
"Nothing, just enjoying the afterglow."  
At this point he would smile and hug me close to him and we would usually go to sleep, me lying on his chest and his body wrapped around mine.  
This night however; was not going to be the same for either of us again. He sighs heavily 
"Are you sure that's what's on your mind "little one"? 
Those words made my stomach flutter and my sex starting twitching and began to get really hot. I looked at him, studying his expression, his deep blue eyes staring a hole through me, yet he was slightly grinning at me. I looked at him for a long time before finally asking,
"What would make you ask me that again?"  
He sighed again and pulled me even closer to him and whispered in my ear.
"I think I know a naughty little girl who may need her ass spanked for not being honest with me." 
I was so stunned at his words, I actually jumped off the bed and stood there, literally shaking and starring at him, I couldn't talk, my mouth was dry and my throat was totally constricted. His eyes began to sparkle and he broke out into a huge smile as he reached under the bed and pulled out my "collection" of books, magazines and pictures I had cut out of magazines of different spanking implements. I was so totally shocked, I felt my knees knocking and my legs become too weak to hold me up, I fell to the floor onto my knees, leaning back on my heels, I can feel the embarrassment flood throughout my body as my whole body to the top of my head blushed profusely. The whole time asking myself how in the hell he found the box, it had been hidden back in our guest room closet where I keep the extra blankets and junk I don't want anyone to see. My hubby had been quite busy it seems and had actually taken the time to read my material and do a little research of his own. He had decided when the time was right he would let me know, as always with this man, he took his time and made sure whatever it is he's involving himself in he needs to be sure he understands and knows what he's doing. He reached over and wiped the stray lock of hair that had fallen over my eye, wrapped it around my ear and moved to the floor where I was kneeling and sat beside me, holding me tightly to his chest and then begins to speak. He turned my face so that I was looking into his eyes.  
"Baby doll" (That's my nickname he has always used for me) "Why didn't you tell me you were into spanking and D/s?"  
I was still unable to speak and leaned my head on his shoulder. He pulls me back and makes me look directly into his eyes; I see nothing but love and a whole lot of lust. Anyway, to make a long story short, I finally did open up and told him how turned on I get from spanking and dominance. He in turn opened up to me, letting me know he had never given it any thought until he stumbled across my "secret box". He expressed a sincere desire to indulge both of us in this little kink of mine and had come up with all sorts of ideas he would like to try as well. We began our little journey that night as he pulled us both up off the floor together and sat down on the bed, slowly turned me over his lap and ever so lovingly spanked me until I was begging him to make love to me again. Needless to say, that night we slept maybe two hours and nine months later our first beautiful little boy came into this world.
Verogenous. "First Punishment." Literotica.com. Literotica, 15 Nov. 2005. Web. 06 May 2014. <http://www.literotica.com/s/first-punishment-1>.
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Before I started being more open with my fiancé, we would have moments in bed just after making love where the dialogue for the beginning of this story could have been ours verbatim.  Why didn't I ever say anything?  Because I was embarrassed!  Because I hadn't accepted that part of me.  Because I wasn't really sure of what I wanted, though spanking was certainly the predominating item on a very short list.  How could I say "I want you to spank me...no, not those silly love pats.  I mean really spank me."  Or, maybe I was wrong? Maybe I just thought I wanted it.  Maybe it should just stay a fantasy.

Eventually, we did talk about it after I casually brought it up a few times.  My fiancé has been a big help in getting me to be more open.  He even realizes that spanking is a part of me - it is more than just a fantasy.  He accepts me for who I am and now our communication is improving and our lovemaking has increased greatly.  Even though this did take him by surprise and he was a little hesitant, we are helping each other work through our reservations and becoming stronger as a couple.

Sunday, May 4, 2014

A Bit of Background Info

With some encouragement, I decided to take the plunge and start my own spanking-related blog. First, I decided a bit of background information was necessary to put my toes in the water, so here goes!

I knew I was always interested in everything to do with spanking.  As a child, I was rarely spanked because I was always a good girl, but I remember playing silly spanking games where one of us would pretend to be a parent and the others pretended to be naughty kids.  Of course being naughty would result in a quick spanking where we would use a foam hand-shaped flyswatter over the seat of our jeans.  No, a foam flyswatter does not hurt but it was all in good, silly fun and we only ever played once or twice.

Then in an upper elementary school, the teacher began reading a book called Boy by Roald Dalh.  If anyone else has read it, you’ll remember there were at least a couple of school scenes where corporal punishment was used on the main character.  I remember being glued to every word as the teacher read aloud and described each scene.  I never really thought anything of it – just that I found it a very interesting book. 

A few years later, I came across The Whipping Boy by Sid Fleischman.  This time I read the book on my own and kept going back to the scenes where the young boy was whipped on behalf of the purposely naughty prince.  I never knew why I liked it.  I only knew that I found it incredibly interesting.

When I was a teenager, we watched the Dead Poet’s Society in one of my English classes.  It had yet another scene where one of the students is paddled.  I really enjoyed the entire movie, but for me what stood out was that one specific scene. 

Inevitably sometime during high school when I was browsing the Internet, the temptation to search the term “spanking” became too much and there began my first online research of the subject.  For years when I had time a couple nights here or there I would find romance stories where spanking (male-spanking-female) was the main theme.  I would print out a few of them and hide them in my room to read at night before falling asleep.  As a late teen quickly heading for adulthood, I began to realize my excitement was sexual in nature and that spanking turned me on but that was always my secret. 

I only had my first ex-boyfriend and my best friend ever get close to figuring it out.  We were in high school and all on our way to a Friday or Saturday night movie and those two were having a conversation in the front seats about D/s.  They were joking around and trying to peg which of us girls in the group would most likely be submissive.  Some how my name got on the list to which I just rolled my eyes and said, “Yeah, right…” (I wasn’t embarrassed yet, more intrigued, but I was still thinking, “Deny, deny, deny.”)  Glancing back at me, my friend said, “You know it is always the quiet ones.”  Then, we all started laughing and I can’t remember where the conversation went after that.
Eventually I tried to share short stories from webpages like Literotica.com to gauge my ex-boyfriend’s (long term boyfriend at the time) reaction.  But, his interest really stopped at just giving me a hard smack as he passed and never progressed to anything further.  After almost 5 years of a long distance relationship, I broke up with him mostly because I felt we had grown too far apart physically and emotionally, and mutual respect had become a major issue. 

After the breakup, I pushed any desire for a new relationship and any strong feelings toward spanking aside and instead focused on finishing college and getting a job.  Honestly, that ended up working great because now I hold a degree in Mechanical Engineering, a minor in math and I own my own house!  LOL, talk about a young woman figuring out what she wants and getting it done – no wonder so many never suspected that I was a closet submissive who was into spanking.   To the world, I am a strong, levelheaded, independent woman who likes to play video games and work with my hands.

A little over a year ago, I started dating a guy who is quite different than any guy I had tried dating before.  He is rugged, yet kind-hearted; strong, yet gentle; opinionated, yet respectful.  We communicate more than almost any relationship I’ve ever been in.  Over the last year, I have very casually brought up spanking by just mentioning the word and reacting if he grabbed my backside or popped it playfully.

Close to the beginning of this year, I decided I really did want to talk about spanking.  I just wasn’t sure what to say and I also wasn’t entirely sure what I wanted, so what we did was have a casual talk about fantasies.  He didn’t criticize when I mentioned that spanking really turns me on when I read about it.   I’m sure at the time he assumed I just meant the playful spank here and there during sex, but at least he didn’t reject the idea.

So, that brings us to a couple of months ago, when we got engaged at the beginning of March.   Right after he proposed, he had me bend over the bed and he started to spank me!  He started very gently and eventually I pulled down my panties.  He never really spanked very hard or long that night, but we did end up making passionate love. 

We hadn’t really brought up spanking again in any detail.  I honestly wasn’t really sure what I wanted, so how on earth could I explain it to him.  I know I wanted something more, but what exactly?  Sometime in mid-March, I thought of a question that I couldn’t believe that I had never considered asking myself before.

“Why do I like spanking?”

I didn’t have an answer.  I had no idea why just that I had always been fascinated by it for as long as I can remember.  I decided to do what everyone does these days when they have a question … I asked the almighty Google search engine because suddenly I had to know why?

That’s when I wandered on to Bonnie’s blog My Bottom Smarts.  I spent the next month and a half reading through her ENTIRE archive.  Was it tedious reading through eight years worth of posts?  Yes, most definitely, but it was inexplicably worth it!  I couldn’t believe how open, how honest, and how real she was in every post.  Up until this point, everything I read I believed to be fiction – mostly just a fantasy that many people had but didn’t really live out.  I became even more intrigued and tried to absorb everything I could.

So, what did I find?

Suffice it to say, I learned a ton of information and gained a lot perspective.  I’m sure I still have questions and will eventually start “delurking” (LOL, yes, I have been wandering on Hermione’s, Erica Scott's, and PK’s blogs).  But, back to the question at hand - what did I find?  I found out that I am not alone, that there isn’t anything wrong with how I feel, and that we are all normal people living perfectly normal lives.   I also came to the realization that at least for me this is more than just a mere flight-of-fancy that’ll go away.  It is a part of who I am, and what is amazing is that now I can share all of who I am with my soon-to-be husband.

I want to openly thank Bonnie for everything she put into MBS for eight years.  Thank you for not deleting your archives and leaving up links to others!